After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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