Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
