is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
