I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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