Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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