It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
