google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
