I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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