Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
