yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
