The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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