i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
