forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
