I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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