I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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