Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
