Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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