Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
