Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
