Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
