First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
