he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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