Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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