Where did you get a picture of my penis
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
