Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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