Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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