The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
