If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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