That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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