i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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