That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
