You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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