Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
pray to the hookup gods
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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