he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
