shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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