I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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