He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Alive.
So much puke
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
