he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
