This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
