I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think people are normalizing furries
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
