hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
