God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
