I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
