bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
