when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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