if i can run in heels then i can drive
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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