thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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