arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize