someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
