If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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