There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We left the knife in your bed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
